The Wild Dance Of Masculine & Feminine Energy

The Wild Dance Of Masculine & Feminine Energy

Sometimes I feel as though there is a part of me that I keep hidden from the world, for I am fearful that I am rejected if I allow her to be fully present.

I’m a very open, honest, and vulnerable person.

There’s not much I won’t talk about.

I talk about the massive debt I accumulated (multiple times) over the years.
I talk about how I make money and how much I make.
I talk about my depression episodes.
I talk about my marriage.
I talk about my parenting.
I talk about sex.
I talk about how I do everything in my business - no secrets I try to keep just for myself.
I talk about my body issues.
I talk about how I almost committed murder in high school.
I talk about my severe anxiety.
I talk about my insecurity. 
I talk about my struggles.
I talk about my wins.

There’s honestly not a single thing that I can think of that I wouldn’t talk about publicly.

But yet still, I feel as though there is a layer of myself I haven’t allowed myself to fully expose.

A layer of myself that I kind of forgot was even there.

A layer of myself that I fear is TOO real.

That people wouldn’t like.
That people would most certainly reject.
That people would talk badly about.

But over the past year, as I’ve been on a very deep, intense journey of personal development and growth, I’ve come to realize this part of me that I’ve been keeping in the dark.

And this part of me is strong.

She’s ambitious as all hell.

She’s got the dirtiest potty mouth you’ve ever heard.

But she’s also got the heart and soul of a big giant teddy bear that just wants to smother you in love.

She’s loud and opinionated.

She says what she thinks, without thinking about who she may affend when she says it. (Which is almost everyone.)

This layer of myself that is bold, but also, clear & focused on the goal. That is intentional and analytical and that hustles harder than anyone she’s ever seen hustle before (and she’s studied some pretty hardcore hustlers).

This layer of myself that is rough around the edges, but also soft and sweet and whimsical.

II’m calling this layer of me:

The Dance Between The Feminine & Masculine.

For much of my life, I’ve allowed my masculine energy to scream loudly, silencing my feminine.

I believe this is why I accumulated so much debt. Why I struggled so much with relationships. Why I had such a hard time taking a break and resting. Why I hated my body. Why I felt like a shitty mother.

Because my masculine energy was running the show 99.9% of the time.

I am not hating on it - I love that I have such a strong presence of masculine energy - it’s what allows me to dream big, work hard, take massive risk, grow an incredible business…

But what I’ve recently realized, is that by denying my feminine energy, I was denying myself so many things that I truly desire in my life –

Soulmate friendships with amazing girlfriends.

A super hot, romantic relationship with my husband.

Powerful, restful alone time where I wasn’t in hustle mode.

Feeling incredible EASE in my life & business.

Connecting with myself on a deeper level and truly understanding who I am.

Happy, loving relationships with my kids.

A beautiful home that I adore spending time in.

I was trying to FORCE these things to happen by taking a masculine approach and making to-do lists and checklists and working 24/7 to make ’em happen.

Needless to say, they never did.

They are much better now that I’ve been doing the feminine & masculine energy dance, but still not where I want them to be.

I’m working on it.

Lately I’ve been allowing my feminine energy to be more present in my work. Maybe you’ve noticed (some people have told me I’ve been “softer” lately).

I’m still a badass motherfucker who will call you out on your bullshit when need be, and who truly LOVES the hustle and making shit happen, and I allow that to come through..

But I’m also playful. Gentle. Loving. Kind.

I also crave space. Boundaries. Rest. Time away from other humans. Nature.

And I’m no longer afraid to keep that part of me hidden.

For she is just as worthy as her masculine counterpart of being seen.